The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
