Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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