Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
