WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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