I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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