I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
