Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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