I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
