he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
