Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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