I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
