Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
