lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
