You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
