i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
