My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
