your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
