everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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