You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
