you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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