so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
