And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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