Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
