This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
