don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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