i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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