I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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