Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
