I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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