Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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