Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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