i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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