So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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