1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
