It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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