i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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