life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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