she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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