I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My pussy is not your playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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