return my video game
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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