The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's Friday. Sex?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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