i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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