Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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