guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
