Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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