where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
