But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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