sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
