He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
