I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
