Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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