So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
