The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
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Im part way to drunk.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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