Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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