About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
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Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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