peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
