So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
