oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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