i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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