Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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