considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
