Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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