if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
