Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
