the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
