so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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