i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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