just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
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Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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