She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
