I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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